mental cripple detective agency

risperdal, risperdal, where did i put that risperdal

2005-08-22T20:33:52Z

So I went into Brian Eno's house & I said Brian? Are you there Brian? Because I thought I heard what sounded like a sewing machine crying. I was wandering from room to room but they all looked the same to me it was like the set of the Polka Dot Door. Brian I said. Your house is making me feel lonely & cold. Brian. You're out of cereal. Your drapes are black & tattered & don't really match the decor. Brian I don't think you're working very hard at this relationship. In here he finally said. In the music room. He was wearing his hospital gown again. How's it going? I said & tried to figure out (as usual) if he was on the goof dust & if he was should I tell his dad. It's not like that he said. Russel they have me on this new drug it's called Whisper Doll & it's supposed to alleviate a chemical imbalance in my head. & I do feel very adjusted, Russel. Very seriously adjusted. The levels man. The equalization. I mean the session of the fucking thing. It's just, the side effects. They're not a lot of fun. He just stood there for a moment. He had black buttons for eyes & they shone at me mournfully. It was like they missed blinking. Like what? I finally asked. & he said well. For instance, I'm a stuffed animal now. I eat a lot of cotton. I'm a stuffed animal he said again. But a very well adjusted one.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-20T21:11:00

2005-08-21T03:14:08Z

I saw that girl I like after school waiting for her mom to pick her up & I yelled I don't love you! No one will ever love you. Didn't notice I was bleeding until I was home, climbing onto the counter, to get a glass of water.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-17T20:18:00

2005-08-18T02:19:03Z

I dug his eye out with a shoehorn. There I said. Now you know all about feet.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-17T20:04:00

2005-08-18T02:11:20Z

Why did you that he said. Those weren't crows. Those were ravens. I was about to achieve wisdom. I was about to know all about pricks like you.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-16T13:38:00

2005-08-16T19:47:36Z

I came back again to the river. I shooed the crows off the world's smallest man. I was throwing rocks & the crows BING'ed like bells when I connected with them. Pieces of the world's smallest man fell from their beaks back into the black water. Minnows swarmed over them. & fish swallowed the minnows whole.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-16T02:16:00

2005-08-16T08:19:17Z

The way you live disgusts me she said. We were on a Ferris Wheel. I could change all of that I said. Now that's really disgusting she said & she turned her face from me like she was returning to the surf like she said to the conch shell it would be okay with me if you closed around me I've seen enough.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T20:43:00

2005-08-16T02:48:40Z

I was waiting on the playground after a school. I had a tiny hammer on a red vinyl leash. The collar was made of licorice. I couldn't wait. I can never wait. To see her in her black taffeta. But then I saw her I saw her walking arm in arm through the sprinklers with Bobbie. On the way home I killed his dog. & I did it with the little hammer too. So it would take longer.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T19:40:00

2005-08-16T01:52:59Z

My best friend is Brian the Suicidal Zombie. He's dead but he's just not dead enough. Not for his taste anyway. So after I ditched school (screaming I will decorate my vineyards with your innards!) I ran up the steps to Brian's moldy old apartment well not so much an apartment as an old abandoned bell tower with the bell replaced by a big screen tv that shows nothing but cooking shows. I was carrying a bucket of holy water (don't spill!) & a crucifix. It's time for your excercise I shouted & threw open the door. But the smell in the tower made me forget all about killing. I swear this never happens to me. But I felt like getting a paper plate & standing in line with other kids. The smell was that fucking delicious. Come on in Russel, Brian called. I found him in the kitchen looking mournful. I tried cooking myself again, he said. With the oven? No it's still full of children. Children that never call before showing up unannounced. Well... I said. I wasn't sure how to say this. Go ahead, he said with a sigh. Help yourself. & I ate one of his fingers like a hot dog. Chewed it right down to the bone. Then threw my arms around him & said you know you're my best friend right? He was trying to move away from my manly ten year old embrace. Undead & he still thought he could escape the awesome power of my love. My best friend. You are, you know that, right? Russel, he pleaded, I only have seven fingers left. You niggers are all the same I said & walked out.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T02:34:00

2005-08-15T08:38:20Z

A few weeks later I came back to the river. The rabbits were eating the little man alive. At least the carrot shaped portions of him. I'd like to make you an offer I said. He said I know. You'd like to switch places with me. I scratched the sores on my chest until they bled. But he would not so much as turn his head toward me. When my mom found me in my room with one foot tied to the ceiling fan she stood there for a long moment. Then closed the door.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T02:11:00

2005-08-15T08:24:49Z

Left her an orchid in her basement. I think I'd hurt her feelings you see. & I had to make it right. Had to crawl through the ventiliation shaft to get to her room. There was white sand everywhere. There were umbrellas hanging upside down from every inch of the ceiling. I placed the orchid in an empty fish bowl before crawling back into the shaft. With my sledghammer dragging quitely behind me. I had placed it in an oversized monster slipper to try & muffle its barking at the world. Sounded like a dragon sleeping as it followed me. GGGGGRRR voooom GRRRR voooom. ZZZr vrrrom leave my gold alone i don't want to go to school mom. & then I waited. Must have fallen asleep for a while. When I woke up she was standing in front of her bed in a banded black & red dress. When she saw the long stem of the orchid with its purple flowers nodding heavily in the breeze of the air conditioner. She touched her neck. As if to make sure it would not fall off. She heard me crying in vent & she looked afraid. Why is the vent leaking she asked me. With a hand on her hip. Go away I said. It's just raining in here. Why would it rain inside here & not out there she asked. The rain followed you in I said. It's waiting for you to leave.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T02:06:00

2005-08-15T08:09:32Z

I left a flowerpot full of nails on her doorstep & hid in the nearby bushes. I wanted to see her face light up. I wanted to see her standing in front of the nails like the angel of them. But I was too afraid to be seen. I went down to the creek & tied a bunch of flathead screwdrivers to the branches hanging over the mess tent brown of the water. I wanted to tell her I'd rather tie ribbons in her hair. But it is always like that Ministry song. I wanted to tell her. But didn't. When I woke up the world's smallest man was standing on my chest. He said you're the only one that knows how I really feel. I left him hanging from one of the lower branches. When the wind blows his hair will get wet. But he will not be able to drink. No one ever said that love was easy.

mypetelegy @ 2005-08-15T02:03:00

2005-08-15T08:06:17Z

I was walking my sledgehammer in the park. Saw the girl I love walking her snake-bear. I didn't say anything. When she waved. I didn't say a thing.

what's your story

2005-08-15T07:02:29Z

I was walking my heart around on a leash.